Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
