He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
