only if we run a train.
done.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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