Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I look better un-naked...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
