new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
