and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am spending my child support on dildos
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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