Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
