woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
