Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
