I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
