i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
