can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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