All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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