Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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