Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
