New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
