just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
