She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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