thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
