return my video game
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
