your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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