She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
