who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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