that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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