you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
