I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
