I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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