I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
