So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't turn off my feet"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think my moral compass just broke
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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