What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
