Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
