I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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