so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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