Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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