I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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