What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
