My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
