I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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