i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
