At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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