so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
