I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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