It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
