I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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