No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
