i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
