ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Screwed.edu
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
