Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
