Cold hands, warm shart.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
