just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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