have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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