Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
