Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
