Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
